I’m sharing my thoughts on turning 40 and opening up about life in my 30s and what I want to achieve in my 40s as a Wife, Mum, and Entrepreneur.

The Big 4-0

Society and the pressures it puts on us - how we're supposed to feel at the age of 40 - I think that's what puts a lot of pressure on people and is why people start getting scared of it or emotional, feeling like they haven't achieved enough in their life.

It's that idea of being ‘over the hill’, although that implies that your life is on a downhill spiral. It also means that your struggle to get up to the point in your life where you've maybe achieved your career, you've got your family, you have achieved the goals you've been working towards, you can start enjoying it and enjoy the fruits of that labor. And by that personally, I mean, my experiences.

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My Life So Far

I've worked very hard at university to become an architect. It paid off. I became an architect. I traveled a lot. I managed to do my Masters in Japan, and I have a lot of things that I feel, yes, I worked blooming hard for, but there are amazing things that I've achieved and I achieved them by working really hard for them, and then became an architect, which is a career I still can't believe I even managed to get to. It wasn't however, a career that I necessarily enjoyed when I finally became it, and that's just something that happens in life.

Life Is Short

I learned in my late twenties, thirties, that life is short. And I learned that in a very hard way by losing my dad. I lost a lot of people in my family and in my personal life in my twenties to thirties where it really did teach me that life is short and you have to value and appreciate and be grateful for what you have. And if you want things in life, you got to work for them and that's what I've done.

Appreciate The Opportunities

Fast forward to me being in India teaching architecture, which is what I really love doing and in a crazy place. It just made me appreciate all of the opportunities and the upbringing that I had that gave me that down-to-earth work hard mentality that meant that I could put myself forward and achieve things and face challenges and enjoy the benefits of them.

I don't feel like I'm 40 and I don't feel like I look or act forte as well, because, in my mind, I can remember a surprise birthday for my dad when he turned 40 and I remember being picked up from school by my auntie and going home to either make or decorate the birthday cake to surprise my mum who was coming home from work on her 40th birthday. So to me, I remember my parents being 40, turning 40, and I guess life is very different these days. I mean, I had Mia at the age of 37. When she is 40, I will be 82, which is crazy. And I really hope that I am there to get to go party with her and celebrate it.

We Do Life In A Different Order These Days

I definitely put my career first and I achieved a lot. I have no regrets and having a family was very important to me, but things just came in a different order. And I don't think that that's something that we should stress or worry about.

I was in India, I had a great career, a great life. I was having so much fun, but I was living in a bubble when I really, really thought about it. This was not my real life. It wasn't what I actually wanted. And so at the age of 30 or 32, I took a good, hard look at that and I faced the reality that India was fun, but it wasn't where I wanted to be and I wasn't meeting the kind of person that I wanted to be with and I didn't think that I would necessarily find my Mr. Right there.

Take Control Of Life

I made the hard decision to move back, found a job in the UK and I taught in the university there. And on a strange weekend back in Edinburgh, I happened to bump into Ingimar and we met, and that was our paths crossing and the rest is history.

I did spend a lot of time when I lived in Bournemouth worrying that it was too late and I was 34 or something at the time. I was working very hard. I was traveling back and forth to India and doing lots of different trips to the British Council as well. I was living a very, very busy life and I probably was making it busy so that I felt fulfilled, but it wasn't the chapter in my life, the area in my life that I wanted that fulfillment. And I knew I wanted to meet someone and I wasn't really putting myself out there. And when I met Ingimar, it wasn't down to me, it wasn't down to him. I really do think it was someone else who got our paths to meet. And they did.

Long-Distance Love

We worked hard to stay in contact with each other. It was a year or more before I moved over here of long-distance dating. At that time, I was so worried that I'd left it too late to meet someone. I was too old to meet someone and for them to want to be with me. I did worry that meeting in our mid to late thirties, there would be baggage. Of course, there's going to be baggage, but I did worry what that baggage might be. It's very different than meeting someone in your twenties. And I also worried that maybe I wouldn't be able to have kids and I'd left it too late and maybe the person that I met wouldn't want kids or would already have kids. And although that would be fine and I would accept it, I did really want to have children of my own.

Kids…Menopause?

I was also in a very crazy stressed-out position where I hadn't actually had a period for numerous months and a part of my brain was telling myself that I was getting too old. And so maybe every month when my period didn't come or came late, I was worried that that was it, and I was starting menopause mid-thirties, which thank goodness it wasn't and it was just stress and I needed to look after myself and get my priorities back in line. And I did.

Getting It All

When I met Ingimar, I really focused on, "Okay, you've done your career, but if you want to settle down and make this work with this Icelandic guy, then let's do that." And so that's what I did. Fast forward a year or so, we got engaged. I moved to Iceland, planned our wedding, and then we fell pregnant. So actually, I have to say, I got it all and I'm so incredibly grateful for that.

Happily Ever After

We now have this amazing little family and a great life here. And it's so different from what I was doing 10 years ago. I'm totally fine with that, and I think that's what happens when you turn 40.

Everyone says you get this perspective, you calm down, things don't worry you as much, which I'm going to be enjoying that. But I do think that I've gained a bit more perspective and inner peace, and I'm very grateful for what I've achieved in my life and what I built in my life, what we've done together.

In The Past 10 Years

I have changed careers, I had moved to three countries and I'm very happy to say that now I live a positive and very creative life. I know where I want to be, and I know what I want to achieve and I'm just working towards those goals.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

A lot of people tell me that in my forties, I'm not going to sweat the small stuff, worry about the small things, and I'm not going to care so much about what people think of me. Now, this is something I'm really looking forward to because I worry way too much about people's opinions, what people think of me, what people think about what I do if they think that I'm earning enough money and contributing enough. I worry about so many things and it's such a waste of my time and my energy and it creates negativity. I want to care about Mia and about Ingimar and about my family and friends, obviously, I want to care about myself, but I want to focus on the right things and use my energy for the right stuff.

Birthdays In COVID Times

We're very lucky here in Iceland, The pools are open so I managed to go for a swim on my birthday, which was an absolute treat. Ingimar and Mia were both out at school and work and so I had the day to myself to pamper myself, do some reading, do some journaling, call some friends.

I wrote a pop quiz, a kind of Zoom quiz for the evening time. We had dinner together, just the three of us and then we popped on a Zoom call with my family and we did a little quiz, which was just fun questions. There was a picture round, kind of a facts round, travel round, an architecture round, and so on. I can't remember who won, but it was definitely good fun. And then I sat on the sofa with a slice of cake that I bought for myself because I knew if you want a piece of cake on your birthday and everyone's too busy, you got to look after yourself and just get that piece of cake. But it was a lovely day and just very chilled out.

I was very, very lucky that two weeks after, we managed to have a little girl's weekend away. So it was just me and three close friends. We went away to a local town here called Hveragerði and we had an apartment for the weekend. We just did walks, went for coffee, went to flower shops, and just chatted over some good food and some nice bubbly and just had a really, really good time.

Changes I’ve Noticed

I definitely notice more wrinkles or maybe I'm just more aware of them. I know that I have grey hair right in the smack center of my fringe and it's poker straight compared to my usually curly hair.

On my mum's wedding day a year ago now, yep, I noticed my first grey eyebrow hair. I didn't even think that was really a thing, but of course, it's going to be.

I have also noticed that in my eyes, I need to go for another optical checkup because when I'm looking at the menu on the TV now, I have to squint my eyes to see. So yep, as they say, when you turn 40, your eyesight starts to really go.

What’s My Purpose

As a mum of a toddler who takes up quite a lot of time and energy and attention, I don't actually have a huge amount of time to work on my own things. At the moment I am working towards creating my legacy. And I know that sounds really dramatic, but for the last, I don't know, five, six years, which is a long enough time, I have really wanted or had this idea of creating a place for architecture and interior design students to go to, to feel like they're supported and that they can get access to tools and advice. And just somewhere for them to go that isn't an Architect but isn't also their lecturer.

I feel like this is something I would have really benefited from and I feel like I have the experience and I have all those stories, I've been through it myself, and that's what I want to share now, that's my legacy that I want to build. And I want to do it, not only for me, and for Mia to look up to her mommy and all of that kind of thing. But I think deep down inside because my dad passed away when I was younger and I looked up to him.

I want to create something for those students and those young designers, entrepreneurs, but I also want to give it to Mia and any siblings that she might have in the future. And so that's my legacy that I want to work towards. And I think that when you are in your late thirties, forties, you're not quite thinking about yourself anymore.

Building A Legacy

In your twenties and thirties, you're working so hard on your career and your achievements and your goals and it's all about me, me, me, or not all about me, me, me. But in your late thirties, forties, you want to think about what was it all for? And I suppose this is like the forties to fifties, maybe. I really feel the entrepreneurial thing, the spirit, and I think I got loud from India, but I want to give back and I want to create something that we can be proud of as a family. And this is it. So watch this space to see what I create and achieve.

Do you agree with this idea of thinking about your purpose and what it is you can give back in life and leave as a legacy as well?